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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24696856">Kintsugi</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adoakrabley/pseuds/Adoakrabley'>Adoakrabley</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Eruri snippets [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Just talking basically, Kind of a character study idk, Kintsugi, M/M, Vague relationship, before erwin became commander</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:13:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24696856</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adoakrabley/pseuds/Adoakrabley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi wasn't fond of gifts- well not <i>always</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Eruri snippets [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785484</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Kintsugi</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“This shit looks expensive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> my betrothal present.” Levi scowled. The idea- </span>
  <em>
    <span>the idea itself</span>
  </em>
  <span>- left a bad taste in his mouth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t fuck around</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Erwin understood the joke was a poor choice quite easily- he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> known for being observant, Levi supposed- he brushed it off with an almost there shrug, “You hardly have belongings in the room. I thought it’d be a nice gift.” He said eyeing the barren side of the room- Levi’s side. Levi supposed it was true, he never had a liking for trinkets. A gift-</span>
  <em>
    <span> I don’t want to be a position of debt or gratitude</span>
  </em>
  <span>- a gift was less ridiculous but filled his stomach with unease nonetheless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gift in question was a ceramic tea cup set of four, now out of their paper packaging. The reason Levi had guessed them expensive-</span>
  <em>
    <span> and by association unacceptable</span>
  </em>
  <span>- was the gold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The saucers were absent. The cups themselves were unremarkable, blue floral motif on white you could find on the shelves of comfortably affluent housewives. Something Levi could also see himself pondering to buy- </span>
  <em>
    <span>the standard issue cups left much to be desired, more so when he could have fancy tea now</span>
  </em>
  <span>- with his now steady salary and enjoy. What caught the eye was the random webbing of gold.</span>
  <em>
    <span> It meant that it cost more than what I have held in my lifetime</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was late afternoon, when Levi returned to their room from the kitchen with a kettle full of freshly brewed tea that Erwin suddenly remembered to hand him a box. He smiled as he did so-</span>
  <em>
    <span> amicably</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Sat by Levi as if he wanted to watch his reaction to it. Levi didn’t like to be watched like that-</span>
  <em>
    <span> more so when it’s so hard to get a good read on this guy</span>
  </em>
  <span>- he still neatly opened up the brown paper- he hated tearing, </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasting</span>
  </em>
  <span> it- feeling skittish, cautious, </span>
  <em>
    <span>unsettled </span>
  </em>
  <span>as he did so. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah, it’s cups</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Then he saw they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>fancy</span>
  </em>
  <span> cups.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They felt heavy in his hands as he observed them, burned his hands with the </span>
  <em>
    <span>weight- </span>
  </em>
  <span>with the price- the </span>
  <em>
    <span>implications</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The warm glow of the candles cast a golden cloak of light over them, masking the exact color of the cups, but Levi- he could see well in the dark- </span>
  <em>
    <span>years of practice- </span>
  </em>
  <span>and he deemed them pure white. The blue-navy motifs were as simple as they can be, six petal flowers drawn geometrically. The other designs- markings- </span>
  <em>
    <span>cracks?</span>
  </em>
  <span>- of gold covered the whole cups, but not two had the same. It didn’t also look like they collaborated with the blue either, went their own way. They shone in the warm toned light in the room. it looked like the liquid flow of force- </span>
  <em>
    <span>like it trailed the traces of breakage</span>
  </em>
  <span>- it looked like natural fracture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lightning of gold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s called the art of kintsugi, to give a new life to broken pottery.” Erwin said from the other side of the table, it startled Levi- </span>
  <em>
    <span>only slightly</span>
  </em>
  <span>- he had forgotten about Erwin’s presence. Now that he remembered- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to buy me shit.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just because we- it doesn’t mean anything-</span>
  </em>
</p><p><span>He won’t be in the business of giving or receiving. Of expectations and paybacks- </span><em><span>attachments- </span></em><span>and</span> <span>delusions.</span></p><p>
  <span>Levi let the cup in his hand down on the table- </span>
  <em>
    <span>as gently as he could</span>
  </em>
  <span>- and tried to look at Erwin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t be on a different page than him. We aren’t made for such games- </span>
  </em>
  <span>“I didn’t.” Erwin said, looking right at him. He excelled at communicating non-verbally quite clearly- </span>
  <em>
    <span>he chooses to let go of the mask sometimes- </span>
  </em>
  <span>and he looked reassuring.</span>
  <em>
    <span> As if to say I understand who we are, Levi</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He continued while reaching towards the kettle, “It’s the courtesy of an acquaintance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just thought you’d- you could appreciate them better than me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Levi stopped Erwin from lifting up the kettle with his hands over the other’s. Erwin looked up- in question</span>
  <em>
    <span>- </span>
  </em>
  <span>maybe even in surprise or amusement, a tiny bit of annoyance? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Now what, Levi? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Or just uncertainty</span>
  <em>
    <span>- You could never tell with him- </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Levi just shook his head, “The cups are filthy.” he grimaced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That made Erwin laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His voice was like him- </span>
  <em>
    <span>large- </span>
  </em>
  <span>and it filled the room, carefree and boisterous. It echoed the corners and mingled with the warmth of the shaky flames and just like that, the air was warmer. Levi breathed better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure they aren’t soiled enough to call </span>
  <em>
    <span>filthy, </span>
  </em>
  <span>they look clean.” The leftovers of laughter still cling onto his face-</span>
  <em>
    <span> the corner of his eyes</span>
  </em>
  <span>- he didn’t move his hand. Used his thumb to brush against Levi’s knuckles instead. Provided him grounding to acknowledge their existence was as simple as can be- if they wanted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You can choose to walk beside me instead of following, that only means we can lean on each other when weary</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And Levi took it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are filthy.” he said finally, a few moments past, taking out his clean handkerchief and using the inner- </span>
  <em>
    <span>cleaner</span>
  </em>
  <span>- part of the pleat to wipe off two of the cups. Erwin served the tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sipped their tea slowly, looking out into the dark through the window. The candle was gradually dimming with every flickr. Levi found that he didn’t mind- </span>
  <em>
    <span>neither did Erwin</span>
  </em>
  <span>- the moon was beautiful that night. Levi had always found tea very soothing. Mild, warm, fragrant it calmed his senses down and gave him something to focus on. Sharing this with someone felt rewarding too. Levi felt his shoulders sag, the fatigue of the day melting away- the background static in his mind lulled and he sighed softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Erwin started talking again, “I found a collection of books from abandoned homes of Oriental families, from decades ago. They were just collecting dust. I went through them as soon as I got my hands on them, old science- geography- some of them about art. I’ve been told by my acquaintance they were about art- I- couldn't read some of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Levi snapped to look at Erwin, but he was still looking ahead, out the window, “He could make sense of some of it from pictures and a few books or words he understood. He was very grateful- man is an insane artisan.” Erwin chuckled lowly, “So he sent me these cups he restored as thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what, he broke these cups and glued them together with gold?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! That would go against the philosophy of the art of kintsugi.” Erwin finally turned back to him, he looked appalled by the very idea. He started, “It’s not a word I’ve heard before but I read up on it from his research.” Erwin usually, while talking made sure to make eye contact with the listeners. He was a great speaker- he had a position and image to uphold. But sometimes, at times like this his eyes glossed over, they shone and he used his hands more. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He stops thinking so much</span>
  </em>
  <span> and just- speaks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s about resourcefulness, throwing broken objects isn’t the only option, one can choose to embrace its flaws; turn it into something more beautiful than before. It represents healing and growth.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Erwin went silent after taking a breath. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He looks like he wants to say more</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Levi never took his eyes off him, just brought the cup to his lips again. In the dim light of the night Erwin understood that was an invitation, Levi was asking him to continue. He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The origins of it came from an accident, or so the books portray. An oriental king had broken his favorite tea bowl. Rather than letting it go, he demanded and looked for ways for it to be repaired. He had it sent to a nation known for its advanced forms of art for it to be fixed-” Erwin liked to talk about things he found interesting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “But to his disappointment, it came back stapled together with metal. The king was saddened. It was when the local artisans took up the job-” He talked a lot, at times, if it was the right time and topic. “They came up with a way to join the cracks with lacquer-” but he always stopped, midway- slowly pulling away. </span>
  <em>
    <span>As if he was conscious about something</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p><span>“Then dusted it with gold, turned it into a jewel more unique and valuable than before.” As if he was wary of talking too much.</span><em><span> Of</span></em> <em><span>giving away too much</span></em><span>.</span></p><p>
  <span>Erwin looked right down into his, what Levi would presume an empty tea cup. Brows knitted he seemed to be thinking about something. His eyes were always unsettlingly wide- something Levi still hadn’t grown accustomed to- like he was always mid-realisation. It was more prominent now, his lips parted and he sighed, spoke softly, “I wonder how much of human creation like this was lost, because of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>titans.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He sounded rightfully bitter, “I wonder how much we still don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He whispered, barely audible.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man known as the devil had demons of his own. Levi would bet on it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You don’t run into the wilderness carrying the weight of your comrade’s corpses without something wretched or pure clawing away at your very existence</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You don’t keep doing it again and again. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The devil also doubted, </span>
  <em>
    <span>feared </span>
  </em>
  <span>and bled red like the rest of the pathetic humans. Levi had seen it himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But it doesn’t necessarily have to mean anything.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You now know this exists. You also found a man batshit crazy enough to revive it.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>and that should be enough for now. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Saving humanity can be something to work towards, day by day. “Mhmm.” Erwin agrees, seemingly out of the trance he was before. The candle was gone, so Levi didn’t have to look at him when he said, “And it’s beautiful.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>I hope he knows this is the most thank you he will get. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you like it. It made me think of you.” It sometimes unnerved Levi for how easily he can say words like that. Levi remembered the image of his straight back on a horse, riding back to the gates, through the crowds after an expedition. The smell of rotten corpses rancid in the air. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It makes me think of you too.</span>
  </em>
</p>
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